I can’t tell you how much I hate the phrase “It is what it is”. I often feel like punching someone when they say that, but I’ve gotten to the point in my recent drama that it rings true. Somethings things just are, and no matter how much you wish they were different, they’re not.
My brother came into town for his visit last weekend. I was already crazy nervous about it, because I am pretty socially averse, but I went in with high hopes and raw emotion. Due to circumstances beyond my control, he met up with Nicki first and had hours of one on one time with her, and as a result, by the time I got there with my younger sister, they were already best friends again. Hugs, cuddles, etc. Without even realizing it, I went on the defense. Nicki had already “won”, so what’s the point?
In truth, it was awkward. He didn’t know me, and he didn’t know my little sister either. There were some questions, but mostly awkward small talk. He’s been through so much, so very, very much, that I shouldn’t expect him to remember me. But it still hurt that he didn’t.
He was falling asleep at the dinner table, so I made my goodbyes to give him a chance to sleep. I went home angry, but kept it in. We met up again Saturday for a big family gathering. I honestly did not want to go to that, because I knew I’d still get zero one on one time with Mike, but I knew I’d not hear the end of it if I didn’t so off I went. Saturday was a repeat of Friday, just with more people to witness my social anxiety. Mike was most comfortable with Nicki, and it hurt again. I was forced to take pictures, and I’m still kind of annoyed about that, but at least now I guess there’s a record of him again in case he decides we’re all too much for him and doesn’t come back. Around 4, Nicki & Mike left, which was my cue to leave. He stayed all Sat. night and most of Sunday morning, but still, there was no one on one time.
I finally lost my composure over text Sunday night with Nicki. She & Mike are already best friends again, and he doesn’t even know me. I deflected a lot of my own issues onto her, and pretty much blamed her.
I’m finally at the point where I realize it’s not her fault, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. Apologies have been made, but I’m not sure where to go from here. So instead, a very poorly disguised segue way!
I’ve been working on the Shipwreck Shawl since Jan 20th – coincidentally the day Mike made first contact. Odd, but fitting. Anyway – I’m almost halfway through the netting section (which is ENDLESS, btw). I was a little worried that the yarn I’m using (WM Lace in Arlene) is a little too variegated, but it’s actually looking exactly the way I wanted, so yay for that! The beading is going along smoothly, but the yo, K2Tog over and over and over is seriously slowing me down. I’d hoped to finish it in a month, but I’m not certain that’s going to happen. Time will tell, I guess. Here’s a progress pic of the netting – I can’t photo the whole thing as I don’t actually have a cable long enough to stretch it out:
I’m also working on a Noro Striped scarf – about halfway through it now and it’s nice and mindless but turning out well, and quite versatile. If I were to knit it again, and I might if I can get the yarn cheaper, I’d get two colors that were more contrasting.
I’m going to cast on for some Rivulets and make them knee socks for Ravelympics, and after that I think I’ll start a Myrtle Cardigan in some Rowan Tweed I have in the stash (but no pics, for shame!). I think I’ll make my myrtle with a stockingette back and 3/4 sleeves.
So, internets, what are you working on?